Things I love about being sober…1) My marriage is 100 times better. 2) I am a way more patient mother. 3) I am still fun and funny without alcohol, my personality only gets better sober. 4) My friends are still my friends, drinking or not they still like hanging out with me. 5) Mornings don’t suck anymore. 6) My stomach looks waaaaaaay better. 7) I am a hell of a lot more productive sans booze. 8) I don’t feel guilt or shame on a regular basis, if at all. 9) I am happier, even with everyday stresses. 10) I don’t feel like I am killing myself slowly. 11) I feel in complete control, alcohol scares the shit out of me because when I would blackout most times I would not go to sleep. I would be up doing or saying crazy shit. On Christmas night two years ago we had some friends over, we drank of course. I don’t remember the last part of the evening, but I was told the next day I was laying down in bed with a popcorn factory tub shoveling it in to my mouth. I was so drunk. My friend tried to take it away from me so I wouldn’t choke on it and I straight up growled at her, like tigress protecting her kill. Needless to say I woke up a midst a sea of crumbled popcorn kernels. Nice! 12) I remember random shit like Rain Man, my brain freaking works now it’s great. 13) I feel hope while not drinking regularly vs. the doomsday mentality I used to have about every thing. 14) I had some crazy stuff happen at work and I was able to handle it calmly and smartly, instead of freaking out because I felt like a steaming pile with a foggy head. 15) This blogging community and the support I have found here. I don’t feel like a big fat loser (or alone in this), because I can’t handle my booze. I feel empowered by everyone’s honesty. And if I slip up I am not judged, just encouraged to move forward.
I think there is no one right way to get and stay sober. AA works for a lot of people. Others find the help they need online and can do it on the down low. I am honest in my real life I tell people “Hey I am a sucky drunk when I drink too much. It was getting to be too much drinking, too often lately and I had to stop before I or my kids got hurt.” I don’t know if it will be forever, I’m pretty sure it has to be nothing for some years. I hate to say that I can’t a few years from now have a glass of wine from time to time. And I mean one glass. But I know in this moment of my life it has to be nothing. I know deep down honestly in my heart I need to not let a drop pass my lips. I fear the not knowing when to stop. I am afraid of my drunk self and the destruction she causes and the people she hurts. Going to meetings isn’t my thing, but I do like the idea of calling or texting someone when that crazy urge to drink starts up and won’t go away. I don’t know who it would be for me. But the concept is great and I think I would like it.