One to clean, do yard work, and cook. One to be a mom and play with my kids all day. One to go to work. The last one of me would be solely for me, to chill, read, write, exercise etc. My mind is always full, buzzing with the to do list. Hence my alias, Mind-full Mom-E. I feel I fall short in every single area of my life because there is always something that needs to be done. Being a mom of little ones there is never a free moment. I would love to write more but that requires a quiet period of time and focus. I don’t even get to use the bathroom alone. I feel constant stress over this lack of enough me’s to go around. Drink helped me check out of my head space and numb this feeling of inadequacy. However, it made me more inadequate due to the hangovers. I really was not productive then. So how the hell do I deal with the anxiety I feel over not being able to do enough and feeling guilty about it? I look around my home even while relaxing at the end of the day and think …oh look at that spot on the wall I need to touch up…or I need to reorganize the kids clothes again…or I have to fill out the preschool paper work…etc. I almost shut down and do nothing. I go to bed late because my girl is a night owl and wake up early because my son is a rooster. I am chronically sleep deprived, ugh. I am truly a hamster on a wheel, aka my hammie. My bff named my alter ego this. I never am fully focused in the moment, and I literally always am thinking of the next thing on the list. In this journey of changing my mental programing, I need to figure out how to handle all this sober and when it is ok to just leave it for another day and not feel bad about it. I am wondering how the hell to do it!!!!! I know I put the stress on myself, no one is giving me deadlines but me. Why the hell is it so hard to keep it all straight?