So picking up where I left off . . . I had a great vacation. While I wasn’t sick as a dog hungover, I did drink. I wasn’t getting trashed yet a couple nights were hazy right before bed. I was doing Belle’s challenge and felt soooooo bad about failing it. I get home don’t drink for a few days then old habits start to play out. Kids stressing me out, me just wanting to relax . . . oh hey there is some pinot in the fridge. Fast forward two bottles of wine, no dinner, one drunk dial to my sister in law that I vaguely remember. Maybe some crying involved, idk what the heck about. Then nothing, I black out on the couch. I wake up in the morning….WHAT THE HELL!!! Really self???!!! What the heck were you thinking???!!! I wasn’t hungover but the stomach virus that my son had hit me and I wished I was hungover because it would have felt better. Divine punishment . . . probably not but sure a coincidence. The worst part of it all was my 5 yr old daughter got the flu in the middle of the night and tried to wake me up. She was yelling at me to wake up but I didn’t budge. She ended up vomiting all over the rug in front of the couch. I didn’t wake up when my child needed me because I was passed out. Hubby cleaned it all up, covered me up and took off my glasses. He kissed me, he gets so sad when I do this. I was so fucking mad at myself. Wow, am I waiting for something really bad to happen before I get it straight that I SHOULD NOT DRINK AT ALL!!!!! I just don’t have it in me to moderate all the time. I immediately emailed Belle and told her to give my spot in the challenge to someone more deserving. It was clear I could not do it. She emailed me back and told me that my spot was my spot and that it could not be given away. I am number 1336, it would be waiting for me when I wanted to really start again and start feeling good. I wanted to cry. Someone I had never met was not letting me throw in the towel or give up. I responded quickly to reset me and now I am on Day 5 again for the third time. This has to be the charm because I love my family too much not to be there for them. And once again I am amazed by God’s love and protection over me and my kids even when I am not so wary of protecting myself or them. He is even using perfect strangers to pull me back into His arms and the sober nest.
I am amazed by the support. Even my sister in law told me the next day that she was quitting smoking and drinking on my day one also, and that my drunk call couldn’t have come at a better time. She was drinking her last bottle of wine the night I called. Lol, I am so happy my crazy drunk dial could inspire someone that quitting really was a good thing!!!