Ok, please forgive me for the wavering and whining in my last post…Hammie (which my bff has so lovingly named a long time ago, who some you know to be wolfie) got on her wheel and just ran amok. Hammie loves to be the center of attention and lately I haven’t let her be. So she got all crazy and made me doubt myself. I reached out to a friend one year plus sober, then did some more blog reading. She told me, yes, it still sucks sometimes but not drinking is still the best decision for her. That being a sloppy hot mess won’t win you any thing but regret and shame, in a nutshell.
Am I a person who can control herself for the rest of her life? Why try to prove it so early in the game? It’s a family vacation not freaking Vegas. However, when I did go to Vegas I was really good both times and did not get crazy. Sooooo, yes I know I can when I want to control myself when I’m focused on it. But why take the time and energy to focus on controlling myself, when I should focus on the moment? The sweet smiles and laughter of my children, that I might miss if I’m thinking about what I’m drinking, how much and when to stop. Poop on that! I am a super freaking fun, funny person. That’s right I am AWESOME! I have the power God gave me to squash all my enemies, even Hammie, thru his strength and grace! My heavenly father made me special and perfect just as I am, not born with a wine glass in my hand!!!!! We all know god don’t make no junk. I am beautiful, strong, independent, loving, loyal, and fierce. So stand down Hammie cuz I will beat shit out of you! BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!