Day 27

Ok, please forgive me for the wavering and whining in my last post…Hammie (which my bff has so lovingly named a long time ago, who some you know to be wolfie) got on her wheel and just ran amok.  Hammie loves to be the center of attention and lately I haven’t let her be.  So she got all crazy and made me doubt myself.  I reached out to a friend one year plus sober, then did some more blog reading.  She told me, yes, it still sucks sometimes but not drinking is still the best decision for her.  That being a sloppy hot mess won’t win you any thing but regret and shame, in a nutshell.

Am I a person who can control herself for the rest of her life? Why try to prove it so early in the game? It’s a family vacation not freaking Vegas.  However, when I did go to Vegas I was really good both times and did not get crazy.  Sooooo, yes I know I can when I want to control myself when I’m focused on it.  But why take the time and energy to focus on controlling myself, when I should focus on the moment?  The sweet smiles and laughter of my children, that I might miss if I’m thinking about what I’m drinking, how much and when to stop.  Poop on that!  I am a super freaking fun, funny person.  That’s right I am AWESOME! I have the power God gave me to squash all my enemies, even Hammie, thru his strength and grace!  My heavenly father made me special and perfect just as I am, not born with a wine glass in my hand!!!!!  We all know god don’t make no junk.  I am beautiful, strong, independent, loving, loyal, and fierce.  So stand down Hammie cuz I will beat shit out of you! BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!


4 thoughts on “Day 27

  1. Ha LOVE the massive boom at the end of this post! You are so right, and I’m glad you’re feeling a thousand times more positive. I think I’ve posted on my blog about how things are never as bad/hard as they seem and your vacation will be the same. Enjoy your family, enjoy your environment and I guarantee the feeling of pride you’ll get every morning you wake up knowing you smashed another day sober will over ride any feeling of being hard done by for not drinking.
    Good luck and have a blast 🙂 xxx

  2. Being 13 years sober the days can still be challenging. It gets better. After a while it truly does get less and less about not drinking and it becomes more and more about living life sober. I appreciate your real ness and honesty. God didn’t bring you this far to leave you on the curb. Thanks for sharing.

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