I will always be a work in progress. There are so many things about myself that I want to improve/change/do. Even though I have been sober for 24 days I still find it hard to find the motivation to clean/organize my house. I live with a messy family that don’t like to pick shit up or put things away. It’s like being a hamster on a wheel. I literally could clean all day every day. When I’m at work, I think of all my chores I need to do on my days off. When those days come I am like why bother it will just get messed up again…..ugh. I cannot relax in a messy environment at all! So I clean the major living areas where everyone sees and just shut the doors to the bedrooms. I am on strike…I refuse to pick up the kids rooms any longer. They are old enough to help mom put toys away in their respective bins. Over the years as I look back I also have a really deep aversion to laundry. I hate every aspect of it, from collecting, to washing, to putting it away. Now that there are four of us it is an endless monotonous chore. I actually get anxiety over it. I spend more time and energy procrastinating over housework, when if I just did it, I would feel sooooo much better. I even use all the chores that I need to get done as my excuse why I don’t have time to workout. I even blamed my drinking for why I didn’t want to do either. Nope its just good old me. I guess I also need to pray to be released from my procrastinating mentality.
I reason with myself, “hey, self you have so much to do to keep you busy, shut up and be grateful you have tons of toys and clothes for your kids to clean up. Be happy you have a house to clean!” I am being such a whiney baby. Here I am stressing over the stupidest crap. These are not real issues or problems. The problem is my sheer laziness. How do I get over that? Just do it and not think I guess. Stop speaking negatively about all the chores. I mean I work hard, why do I have to go home and work equally as hard? Because that is life, no idle hands equals no boredom. No silver spoon equals no maid……booooooohooooo. Wait, then I gotta freaking cook to! Dear Lord please give me a fervent love and desire for domestic goddess\fitness guru status!!!!!! Omg what a brat I am!